


Of Lies & Temporary Hearing Loss

by necromanticist



Series: Fictober + Nanowrimo 2018 [8]
Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 06:26:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16236032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromanticist/pseuds/necromanticist
Summary: The ear-splitting yell already made him lose his hearing."Oh.""I'm sorry, Oshino. I think I might have lost my hearing.""Oh no."(Fictober Day 8: "I know you do")





	Of Lies & Temporary Hearing Loss

**Author's Note:**

> this is messy & im sorry but i love okaken & i will eat dirt for all of them. tadatsuru im sorry but i was worried about not doing you justice. also you can read this as platonic or romantic (poly okaken good...) i just wanted to write this quickly

He had a book in hand.

Everyone was trying their best to not interfere with each other.

Not that he would prefer to interfere with any of them.

In the first place, Teori is too much of a loner, it kinda creeps him out.

Kagenui is too strong, he'd really prefer to not get beaten up.

Oshino is just straight-up annoying—

"Hey, Kaiki-kun."

Wow. Speak of the devil.

Does he have some kind of mind-reading ability or something?

"Are you listening?"

His eyes are glued to the book.

He's used to it.

He can keep having his eyes glued to the book, and never utter a word.

Or so he thought.

He was surprised to feel yanking on his shirt.

"What?"

"It's rude to be silent when people are talking to you, you know?"

He knows how to go from here.

"What…?"

"I said it's rude to be silent when people are talking to you."

"I can't hear you."

He couldn't really hear him.

Or he could.

That's all a lie.

Oshino takes a deep breath and yells.

"I said it's rude to be silent when people are talking to you!"

"What the hell are you being so loud for?!"

Kagenui got disturbed, apparently.

Of course she would, after hearing something like that.

It's not that Kaiki himself didn't get his eardrums blown up and isn't about to bleed from them any second now.

"I can't hear you. At all."

Kaiki wishes his lie was true.

But no.

It's not.

He's going to die.

The ear-splitting yell already made him lose his hearing.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, Oshino. I think I might have lost my hearing."

"Oh no."

Despite that, he was smiling.

Kaiki is certain at this point Oshino thrives off his pain and suffering.

He's definitely not human.

If there's a liar in this room, it's not Kaiki, it's Oshino.

"What's up with you two?"

Kagenui stood from behind the sofa.

"Kagenui, I lost my hearing."

"Oh. That's bad."

Why is Kagenui also smiling?

Do they both like to see him suffer?

"Why are you smiling?"

They both started laughing.

"Are you laughing? That's too cruel. I lost my hearing. Well… doesn't really matter."

He goes back to his book.

Kagenui pokes his cheek.

"What?"

Oshino pokes his other cheek.

"Oi. Stop it, stop it, both of you. Knock it off."

"His cheeks are kinda soft."

Kagenui whispers to Oshino.

Oshino whispers back.

"They look like mochi."

That's the worst.

That's really the worst kind of situation.

He dug his own grave.

They start stretching his cheeks with their fingers.

Kaiki said what sounded like a "Seriously. Knock it off." but it wasn't like they understood.

They didn't stop. They kept on stretching them.

Until the door opened.

"Hm~ What's wrong, everyone?"

Their senior looked at them, then corrected herself.

"Oh, seems like Tadatsuru's not here. But, it seems like Deishuu's getting lots of attention~"

"What did you say, Gaen-senpai?"

She looked at him, for a moment, in confusion.

"Apparently Kaiki-kun lost his hearing."

Kagenui says.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Deishuu~! Hopefully it comes back~"

But why is she smiling too?

"Gaen-senpai, why are you—"

"But, you two, we should really be trying to find a solution. Any suggestions?"

"Well… I could beat him up until he regains his hearing."

_Please don't._

_Kagenui…_

_Please don't._

"Maybe we should just wait for some time."

_Oshino, please have some sympathy for me._

"Hm… maybe it's a case of an oddity…"

_Gaen-senpai, that's definitely not it._

_Unless, you count Oshino's screaming as an oddity._

"Well… I don't think we have that much of a chance. Let's just leave him until he gets better."

"That's right… we need to see for ourselves."

"I think beating him up will work."

No. Wait.

"I think a good beating will fix it all."

"Then, let's try it, Kagenui-chan."

"Go for it, Yozuru~"

Wait.

Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

_Wait!_

"Okay on one-two-three. One."

"Two."

"Thr—"

"What are we doing a countdown for?"

Magically, Kaiki's hearing came back.

But there was no magic in it.

Or maybe it was the magic of the power of Kagenui's fist that made him get his hearing back.

Wow… who knew Kagenui had that sort of power in her.

To bring back others' hearing?

Maybe she could work as a doctor. That'd be good.

"Oho? You can hear now?"

She had that smug smile on her face, that Kaiki absolutely loathed.

"Apparently. Thank you, Kagenui. You're a saver."

"So, it did work out in the end. Even though I thought it'd be too violent…"

"Well… I told you it's gonna work out."

He's sure they most likely knew that he was lying to them.

At this point they got used to it.

He could make a more elaborate lie than this one, and they'd just go along with it.

They're idiots…

"So you can hear us?"

"Unfortunately."

"I've been thinkin' about camping—"

"Never. Not in a million years."

"I didn't even finish what I was gonna say. Don't be like that."

"Oshino, you know I'm allergic to sleeping in tents, don't you? If it kills me, you're going to jail for it."

"But I won't be the killer, it'll be the tent."

"And you'll be the tent's accomplice in murder! Is it worth it?"

"Come on, Kaiki-kun. I think it'd be fun."

This time Kagenui barges in.

"No."

"You're just scared, aren't you?"

"Yeah. So scared. Please don't take me there."

"Alright. Is next week okay?"

"Are you two listening?"

They weren't listening.

They're definitely ignoring him.

On purpose too.

He sighs, going back to his book.

"I hate you two."

His words catch their attention.

Even though they weren't this impactful.

"Aww…"

"You're so sweet…"

"I said I hate you."

"I know you do. I know you love us."

"When did I say I love you? I never ever said that I love either of you—"

They both hugged him, from both sides.

_What a pain…_

_But, maybe, that could be another lie._

**Author's Note:**

> for your information: yes kaiki went camping with them in the end


End file.
